So, who wants my number?

I am no writer. Yes, I went to Grace, and yes I learned the in's and out's of how to write a literary analysis (shoot me!), but that does not mean I was born a writer. These are simply thoughts that I have buzzing around inside my brain. And besides, you should feel really special! I mean, I do NOT let people in very easily and this is like the golden ticket!

That being said...here goes....

Why is it that a number defines you. In order to reach someone, you dial a NUMBER. A NUMBER tells someone how old you are. The size pants or top you wear are measured and labeled with NUMBERS. You have a NUMBER when you step off a scale. I get like mathematically (yes mom, I'm talking about math!) numbers are essential for day to day use. I'm not talking about those numbers. I'm talking about the NUMBERS we use to define ourselves.

I don't care about your phone number. I don't care about how old you are or the size you are. I wish when it came to human beings, numbers just didn't exist. I am human. And being human means I am different.

I was not born to look like a super model (which would be nice but it's something I have come to terms with). I was born to look like Alyssa Joy Murphy. I'm not a size 2. I'm not 110lbs. I am just me. And right now, the only NUMBERS I am worried about are the days I have left here on this earth. So when I am surrounded by a bunch of girls and they want to talk weight and size and numbers, it takes ALL the energy inside my body not to just chunk every single one of them out the window. We have been given this life to live and all you can obsess about is a number? Please, there are bigger, better and worse things in life we could be using our time on. I do not want to waste one more second discussing this. It is a beautiful day today, lets live our life. I have watched what numbers do to people. People obsess, long for, dedicate, evolve into this other person just because of a stupid number. And that to me is insane.

Now before I sound like a hypocrite, I do believe a person should stay fit, but there is a difference (to me) between staying fit and obsessing over your weight. So dont get me wrong and in no way am I saying "gyms are bad" or "screw working out" cause that is NOT where I am going with this. It's about the mind set and the people that are critical of how other people look or judge them because their number isnt what they have or they deem worthy. And I will not rely on you to prove my worth.

We live in a world where its dating site, after dating site, (and again, some of those rate people on looks, another number ordeal that just blows my mind), social media, every possible way to communicate without having to see that person. I was all about the social media life. Trying to figure out what profile picture looked best, how many likes I could get on one status (again, numbers), just being a normal teenager. But lately it hit me, I am relying on how other people view me, to be the basis of my self esteem. NUMBERS have ultimately been the basis of who I have made myself to be. THAT MY FRIENDS IS NOT OKAY! I am not a number, I am a person. And by golly, no matter how hard you try, your jokes, humor, hate filled tweets and comments are NOT going to shake me.

Guys, this one is to you. And before you either get butt hurt or disagree within the first few sentences, read.the.whole.paragraph.  Got it?

You have this magical ability to bring out the butterflies that are deep down inside a girl's heart. Do you realize that? From the moment we watch Cinderella and Prince Charming ride off in the horse drawn carriage, we instantly want to know what that feeling is like. And the only thing missing from the puzzle is YOU (well besides the talking mice and horse drawn carriage). But some of you are so wrapped up in yourselves and how many girls you can talk to at once, the number on your TO-DO list (see what I did there?!), and how many reps you can do in the gym. You guys have one of the most amazing gifts ever, and yet you're wasting it on pointless flings and giving it away to every girl at the party so you can look like a stud (when in reality you look like a man whore). Girls drool-dream-desire. Sounds weird but we do. We drool over the guy that is hott and good looking. We dream of a sweet, fun loving guy to sweep us off our feet. We desire love. But the only way that can happen, is with you. So before you get that girls number and put her name in wrong in your phone because you are so drunk and have no intentions of calling her the next day, remember we ultimately rely on you for our fairy tale ending. Life is about having fun and taking risks. So instead of having fun at that party, why not take the time to get to know that girl you have been secretly eyeing and take her out to dinner.  Who cares if she's 21 or 27? She's a human. You're a human. Who cares if shes not your ideal size, that smile is gorgeous and she is beautiful. You have the gift to make us feel like a princess for the rest of our lives. Dont throw that away for a few phone numbers and names added to your list. Eventually, you are gonna have to come to terms with who you are and what you have made of yourself over the years. And if I know any man, I can guarantee he is going to want a great, godly, good hearted woman standing beside him. Not 3 baby mommas and a bottle of whiskey.

I may make no sense and I may have confused the ever loving mess out of people. But I guess what I am ultimately trying to get across is, what happened to the good, old fashioned days. Where if someone wanted to get to know you, they stopped by your house. You talked to people face to face and if there was a conflict, you talked it out. You didn't CAPS LOCK THE MESS OUT OF EACH OTHER UNTIL SOMEONE'S FINGERS CRAMPED UP, you worked things out. Numbers didnt matter. What mattered what your character and who you were. As a person. As a friend. As a human being. To me, that means so much more than anything else in this world. My worth is not based on numbers. And neither is yours.